Solid Quarter

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Monday, April 20, 2020

CHANNEL: Why we stay wounded

to stop point. stop light. you could. make it.
anyway. it won't matter. you will. never. get what. you.
need in this life. you can't. buy it. or earn it. or achieve it.
you. can't. make anyone. love you. the way. you need. to be.
loved. you can't undo. damage. the way. we are neglected. the way.
no one sees. us. you can't. change. what you are. and you are.
splinters. the dust. dredged. lifetimes. the remainder. left over.
you echo. there is no. meet in this life. except. other shatter.
nothing will fit. nothing will align. you language. into what you.
have always known. you can pull. up suffer. you can color. the whole.
scene. with despair. you can. not care. you can empty. you can feel.
nothing. and nothing. is what is. really there. you want to give. it a story.
you want. love. to have a beginning. and an end. the way. a person. might.
the way. a feeling. might. but you can't pretend. you can't pretend.
you don't know how it ends. when you do. when every person. you meet.
you see the whole of it. when every stranger. inside. you see the whole past
arrangement. you see lifetimes. layered. every anger. every rage. every fear.
i can look into you. i can pull it open. i can stretch out the stories so. thin.
i think. i can see the real you. in there. somewhere. souls. the light's eye. some
energy. are you made of. sound. like. all of us. i think. if only. if only. if only.
they weren't all so afraid. but all are afraid. fear coats the lining. fear draws
its swords. and keeps us. and my own too. reckless and loose. unbound.
by desire. i keep this wounding. so well tracked. i keep this wound. so coded.
once i start to draw a map. i know. we are lost. once i need. to write it out.
i am lost. i am lost. i. am. not. of this. life. this world. this. place. i am.
not trying to get in. i am trying to get out. once i start. drawing. i start.
asking. for directions. you. get the answer. you ask for. you get everything.
you demand. in this life. once. you start. asking. you are ready. for the answer.
i wanted. out of this. life. i wanted. the answer. to swing. hard. enough. to knock.
me down. to obliterate me. i never wanted. love. i wanted to disappear. to be so
hurt. i would. never. recover. and who. can. you ask to. destroy you. some
one would have to love. you so. much. to want to destroy you. some one
would have. to love you. so much. to despair. to take hope. and you know.
you are never. that girl. you are never. that one. no one is ever. going to see.
someone worth that. swinging. that capture. glance. no one wants. to see. you.
no one. wants. to say. a word. to help. you out. this net.

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