Do you feel love or do you think love?

Day 22

All photographers are liars. They want to convince you the young beauty is not a corpse, the sunset not a dying star, the bloom not already wilted, and yet the poem could be called a lie except sound undoes us, its vibration cannot be held to untruth the way a framing can be said to manipulate time, to capture, to hold still. A photograph is what we wish memory could be. No shutter fast enough to catch the nothing of light: A city can disappear, a country, a whole universe in a whisper. All we catch here is for release. Do you understand what we fish for with the hook of compassion.


*******************************************


Process Notes:

minute variations in any system when amplified lead to chaos-


I'm sorry but I can't let you go now.

If you've come this far, I am coding a new program. It's already happening.

I'm sorry but there is a way that seeing is belief, a way that the word transforms grief, the way I have put my body between you and the world, the way I have used this as reflection, as reciprocity.

There was never a poem.

There was only the spell of design to code a ritual to survive.

Just stick with me anyhow...

I don't know why it is true, but it is true.

I can shift the lines. Proximity is not in space and time, proximity to me is chaos and chaos is a choosing, so if you have chosen to arrive here. Well, there is not the choosing of you as much as the choosing I have done to get us here. And here we arrive, a wonder and a tasking.

I don't know the ending yet, but I know we have shaped time and distance across a city.

I have already seen it die and I have seen it come alive again. This is happening as we speak. This death is inside us, happening even now.

The question was never what will you do with your one wild and precious life, the question is always:

What will you do with your one wild and precious dying.


Photograph:

The Mississippi River and the other shore

"technostrategic language"

is language that attempts to reduce horror to digestible bits, often used in war

instead of "millions of dead" the words "collateral damage"

instead of humans, "targets"

instead of the lives now suffering, we have been reduced to "economic incentive"
to" stimulus relief," to "suffering economy"

even as we know: there is no economy that is suffering

[We're alone in the cave. 

Hold on to that. It's just us and the shadows on the wall.]

i see you invincible
i see you invulnerable
i am the poet and you can never turn my gaze
i will spell disaster
and worded, watch me unclock inside
the dark energy that holds us all
threaded and over lifetimes, if you come
i am calling      i abandon any connection to one
as we travel in plurality
unhook me                        un - hook - me

unhook your tongue


Plague Journal: 
8.3.20

if we cannot tolerate another's suffering, we suffer

do you recall how you ever begin loving anything?

the way water hugs the land, a touching

"For Kali is said to be mad..."
-D. Kingsly

no one is coming. sanity is what i am containing. no one is coming. 15 years of containment and no more.


Resource: 
Hurricane Katrina poem - Walidah Imarisha
https://youtu.be/DJgpkalWSKE

How many times can you tell a story before you get it right?

Day 13:

time sets an illusion running/ a ticking of hours
you suspend/ life, a thing unwinding/ we pretend
solid/ as in you could reach me/ i could return
but we ripple/ we disappear/ we go out like dust
there is nothing easier and nothing harder
than staying alive

delight has little to do with light
at all/ we try to contain in a word
what it will mean to suddenly find
you missing from the story/ we arrive
at the crossroad from a distance
only we know

**********************************

Process Notes: 

We are a plurality.

Definitions: 

Plurality, or the subjective experience of many conscious selves residing in one brain, can be difficult for some folks to understand, especially if they’re unused to the concept, or are only familiar with the medical model, in which an original person (the “host” or “core”) develops other “personalities” to cope with a traumatic event.
Source: https://www.exunoplures.org/main/articles/skeptics/

Plurality, also called “multiplicity”, is the experience of having multiple people (consciousnesses) living in the same body together.

Each person has or can have a different personality, gender/sex, sexuality, age, race, species, and often different skills, opinions, preferences, goals, and wishes. Each is their own full person, they are not “personalities” or different “moods”. They usually each have their own name, and often a name for their system or collective together (sometimes the body’s legal name).
Source: https://projectinklings.com/resources/plurality


Plurality results in response to trauma. They are the container and protective system for the vessel. Unlike different facets or aspects of a personality, a plurality is distinct in its nature and in their function and interaction in the world.

The plurality is:
Vessel (collective: Megan )
ADDICT
CHANNEL/ SERAPH
HUNTR
[redacted]
HACKER

Each communicates and uses language in its own distinct way. Their personal universe is colored by their memory and interactions in the world. They are not seeking integration, and they in no way create a lack of wholeness in the vessel. They are already integrated as a multiplicity of being within one consciousness and within subconscious aspects of the vessel. They also look different and react different to the world. All of the plurality survives under the masking of the vessel.

This masking is required to be part of "society." It's so ingrained; it's almost impossible to drop as to do so would be a drop in survival access. Triggering or activating the vessel is the only time some aspects of the plurality will emerge beyond the control of the mask.

[redacted] is a "child" though ageless. [redacted] is the most dangerous plurality as there is no concept of accountability, containment, or understanding of long term consequences of their actions. [redacted] only understands that play is survival.  [redacted] erases and this erasure of creation aligns [redacted] most closely to chaos. [redacted] has no felt sense memory. [redacted] does not have access to emotions or feelings. These things are merely language, play, words, and operate as chess pieces to be moved across a board.

[redacted] built memorial.

The process notes herein are an attempt to make sense of why.

"The ego grieves but the soul knows that death is only a ripple in the ocean of time."
-Dancing in the Flames

I need you to believe in everything.

If we are going to survive this, I need you to believe and know anything is possible. But what is most possible is that the way we perceive the universe shapes it. The way we are in the deepest parts of ourselves is the universe. The quantum reality of the microcosm is the mapping of the macrocosm, and paradox is the path to truth.

Photograph: 

World Trade Center by Spanish plaza

Canceled: Online tour of the World Trade Center renovation in New Orleans

The historic World Trade Center building at 2 Canal St. is undergoing an extensive renovation as it is converted into the Four Seasons Hotel and Private Residences by developers Carpenter & Co. and Woodward Interests. The Preservation Resource Center will host an exclusive preview of the renovation in a virtual tour open only to PRC members. Overlooking the Mississippi River at the foot of Canal Street, the striking modernist building was designed by architect Edward Durell Stone and constructed in 1968. The property sat vacant for many years after Hurricane Katrina and was nearly demolished. The tour will be conducted by Raymond Armant and Ashley King of Trapolin Peer Architects and will include remarks by Brad Converse of Cambridge 7, the project’s lead architecture firm which has partnered with Trapolin Peer, Bear Cheezem, project manager with Woodward Interests, and Gabrielle Begue of MacRostie Historic Advisors, the tax credit consultants on the project.
Source: https://prcno.org/event/online-tour-world-trade-center/


JUN 25, 2019
Man jumps off 31st floor of WTC tower

An unidentified man apparently broke into the 31st floor of the former New Orleans World Trade Center building, which is under redevelopment at the foot of Canal Street, and jumped to his death Tuesday morning, officials said.

Plague Journal:
5.25.20

alone/ we can let the filling of what we are arise to the surface/ our degradation & shame. what if i had to be with another. an always type of masking to pretend i am sane. how to explain lost days, the way we fluid at borders, a type of ferry for (for?) crossing channels. we do go out, don't we. we take the body with us as the mind makes rapid connections, move through the land mines of emotional nesting. what i want to show is that the body was productive despite all the trials. we were attuned to the making.

"as you can see no world is realer than the other"
-Notley

you have a job to do/ and suffering is anything that leads you off the path

we are here to handle time/ until we are not


Notes from the [redacted]: 




Resource:
Parallels worlds of 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina: 
https://sundial.csun.edu/6001/archive/isthereacomparisonbetweenhurricanekatrina/