Defend the Erotic

Picture the rock face of the moon, craven and without her, no pull. Heat from the sun would obliterate our oasis. The way she swerves round is the basis for employment. We exist by accidents so precise they cannot be measured yet. In the tear down of our histories, let us obliterate meaning outside of amaze. You think this can all not be rearranged, but a bloom is subject to annihilation and change.

 

 

 

 

[the only change was in our minds]

 

we want things to last even as we know they cannot.

assumption of a self is not necessary for life.

 

it may be necessary for the systems we’ve been convinced we must uphold, but life does not require a sense of self. 

 

 

i say we can have persistent beauty. i have a necklace of skulls that whisper to me the names we try to forget. absolved of ash, this tremble. i worry about the slippery ways we lose our own places in time. like we were traveling together but then one wrong word, and all rockets into space. a meteor whose shadow resembles the shape of you but elongated, and with more legs. that’s just absurd. we say as we read the news. and then to the dreaming we go for answers.

 

 

[look for what's there, not what you want to be there] 

 

The Gate of Vitality

Every stream on earth has a source, and every plant has a root.
         -Li Zhongzi, A Primer of Medical Objectives



if you walk far enough along a path
you'll come to your soul mirrored back  
       a reflection of time moving

        explosion of sky's rapture     we catalogued  
    all directions, i have callings by name and callings by sound
       so we warble, look a mourning is a type of flower, a petalling folded down

      sweet submersion this stone reached, grappled root first back into skin
 then your face, then your pupil, i control the light, she whispered,
                                               bridge after the second chorus
 and cull up swirl we tack on truth, the outline of any body darkens
    becomes hard to edge its nightness, could you sit double exposed
         a wide arc: look, a whole tree pictured in the water's pooling
              the way our arms cross back and forth blocking the stars
     shouldered the dead crossing and they were light as secrets
       
           i could have loosened my grip
                                                            all of now
                       was a lesson in how receiving love is a let down

                                                [of control]
 
     & has little to do with what we give
                    or what we give is no reciprocity of what we let in

           
             walk over that falling down, round counter portal the sky on fire
   & you,
                      a fast fish called desire ::    it is hard to touch a memory

close eyes to dream as pages on the calendar turned down mark i have...
   i am still        going to ruin    our mother sights the obvious matter of being ::
     (em)bodied   & thebliss     is what they hold us to     (let me assure...)
                              you can't have this experience. and not have this experience.

 you have to step through the gate. there is a threshing. of waiting, and resistance.
there is a shushing. of our own suffering, i would you lay down, call me by name
 sprout of life / i have always recorded

 am recording.         i met myself on a bridge.
                                i met you on a bridge.
                                i was alone on the bridge.
                                i was inside the universe on the bridge.
                                i know how long we stood
                                            we have always been here. singing.


blood has an urge to mate :: wings held back ::
                            i collected truth in the branching ::

 what creates the body can kill the body :: for decades, that is what i knew of love
          doubled like a taking flight from the midsection.
          two ears nestled inside me, listen.
the igniting spark between the kidneys :: source of the
 triple burner ::   would you slow me
           
                      toscrape/clean/ emptied of hardness

sound held so long no silence can keep.  here's
the thread whistled to the center,
it's always been just a walking with one another,
occasionally, a fire flares and by that warmth
we recall this caving/  we caught both light and shadow.
          it's where we told them into being
     
                           starting, once upon a time....




                                                           
     

       

Anesthesia: A Suite Not Dream

"In his mind abandoning photography meant submitting to loss" 

-House of Leaves

"We have surpassed all of our templates..." 

-Laura Mattingly, 12.25.19

Anesthesia: A Suite Not Dream

i.

let me wing over you 

a pass-

ing,       passage "of time"    "with

                  out sensation"  steer   bliss

under you, i am reach

i am   _____ible 

          

          swallowing my tongue               its tail 

rip her up out/ rip inside          

down my throat              

        between my legs    instrument of extraction 

 i caress each intrusion into the body  

         was not love that pulled me apart 

             there is no drug 

                    there is no drug

                           there is no drug 

    that will ever sleep me through that raping 

i would have found it by now

      i would have folded wings down

i would fly  

                       but i

stayed strapped down          you   are     going 

                    to have to hold her d____

ii.

drown      i sing into the twilight 

what is a controlled loss / does it temper

   does it twinkle.... look at the lights in this hotel 

i was dreaming we walked there.

           i sing           down into a time line 

 not my own. i come to

i woke up here. in this place. where all is similar
and i 

i am the different             stone angel 

                                        prayer like water   

prayer like my name erased. 

iii.

xmas day: i told her ask the cards what i need to do when they put me under again, 4 hours in the tabling. as close to death, i would shimmer. and what is it you want. to hurt god.    G-D.   to refuse that love. b/c if that's not good enough. girl, if no one is g--d enough          is it you or them  quitting early, is it you or them bringing you back up.... 

                          it's never all going to be fixed

iv. 

  if i can just solve this piece

      if i can.

         if i am worth it. 

                   

                        i can make it cohere. i can make all of the words

fit. 

            under my tongue, the skin sheared where they would silence

           bowls echo           i struck        i was struck 

v.

        unpin scapula.    let me never be afraid of losing you

    my palms were filled with shame.     still.        after all this confession

      after all this doubt doused.                shame pouring between fingers

       an offering:    look at me.          under the lights.       universe perfect. 

        i built hard as cement. i held inside me hard as rock. stone to stone. 

the world touched me and i turned it out.  impenetrable.   

tell me the truth, dream,  

                 you've never met a girl as hard to see as this one. 

Yoniphobic Language: Azealea Banks

Between costumes:

     and between the desire for:


       and who decides what spins:

             here's a snip/ snip: the

a woman's body is a tableau for war













Azeala Banks says in an interview that this is not a Nicki Minaj diss song.

She told Vibe magazine:

“I don’t think Nicki necessarily opened the door for anyone else but herself.” 

“I don’t think the door was ever closed for urban female artists,” said the “Needsumluv” MC. “There has always been a female killing it. Have we forgotten about Eve? Eve had hot records, movies, a TV show, fashion line, ad campaigns, etc. Right before Remy Ma went to jail, she was killing it, and was well on her way to the top. She had bars on bars on bars. Lil Mama also made a splash with ‘Lipgloss.’ Plus all the other alternative chicks like M.I.A. and [Santigold]. I don’t think Nicki necessarily opened the door for anyone else but herself,” she laughed.

She continues: “I think she’s doing a great job with what she’s doing. But I don’t think any of the current female rappers’ success’ are contingent upon anything Nicki Minaj did. It’s contingent upon our talents and creativity.”

She goes on to praise Pink Friday‘s beats, hooks and lyrics, and even calls Nicki “mad sexy”. But her main criticism is the “Stupid Hoe” rapper’s wild style. “I think a lot of the things she started doing with her look were distracting,” she says. “I think she’s talented enough to sustain a very fruitful career without the ugly wigs and ugly costumes.”

Link to Article: 
http://idolator.com/6217852/azealia-banks-talks-nicki-minaj-to-vibe