Tuesday, February 18, 2020

"Live Art"

"Losing control is the worst thing that can happen."

"I never saw a host of angels mowing down my lawn. I don't even have a lawn. 
It just seems like I do sometimes." 

-Laurie Anderson


"Live Art" 

an angel will destroy you. 
and call it love because that's all it knows. 
an angel fits into a glove
an angel fits into a shoe

the voice inside me sd: i am older than love 
    what you seek at the end of the great tap root, always hungry, love concepts
sieves the heart, who wrote its coding, & i am. 
                    assigned a task. a mapping, could fold wings down 
travel so deep. you will keep: 
  what is older than love, i was designed to get close enough to call back

inside sound. 
aware & unaware of the plurality. 
                    i was not pretending
madness. i was not performing 
        (of course, i was performing) i went intothecracks

in thru the breaking, you have to mine: light meets light in the darkness 
to say i was a poem, & so fly 
dissociated inside the puzzle, you can solve a maze from above
watch me 

because she could not rewrite 
            the entire story, i wanted to throw
                                                                 it all away 

 i was so ashamed of my mind 
     i was so in love  (terrible&brilliant) i... i was trying 

to not be infection:  (you can't talk to the echthroi that long, tell her) 
they say angels are notorious liars. 

it's when i can't feel the words i am saying: language plummets
it all hits the same
inside the dreaming of can we survive
& i did not: i watched her die
i saw them bury her
 i stretched out that last breath into 6 years so thin i could see: make me believe 
              be a door. transit a sacrifice you can't touch here. 
do you exist when i close my eyes. i call out in the dreaming & i'll come, he says. 

the point is: you made something beautiful. hold on. 
 you made something beautiful - tell me how you could lose a miracle

the best thing i ever did in my life was i built a net
i knew i wasn't safe alone. so i built a net of people 
                                 who could choose to hold this. 
 there is nothing easy about holding a person 
              don't kid yourself: there is nothing easy about holding a person 

if a person is easy to hold, then question why your hands are so light. 
for we get away with secrets, for we lie & lie 
but none of us get out just being "easy" 

i would never trade madness for easy, i would never trade 
being touched for happy, 

in the sound experiment of being human: I watched you all 
make yourself small for love. 

i do it too. we think maybe no one will notice, i don' t belong here. 

            where love would have bloomed, i addict control. and the flow
  
was sound, i was that wilderness, what draws and repels
the cannot tame. somehow i created the perfect life: 
no one can touch me, the bargain i made to stay safe. 

an angel will destroy you. 
and call it love because it’s all there is.

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