this life has been a learning of what you can't ask for/ like i can't ask for the safety of other people to touch me/ i can't trust anyone to be near me for any reason other than their own absorption/ i watch other people navigate the space of relationships/ where someone cares if you get home safe/ where someone thinks of you throughout the day/ where someone really wants to know you/ and no one wants to know/ except you, poetry, where we travel/ or the dead who keep us never alone/ or the way even when i don't want to/ and i never want to/ that's the trick of it/ don't want to know before knowing/ it's over before it begins/ don't want to read scenes so clearly/ i don't need you to explain/ don't need you to context/ i don't need to be more than 6 inches from you/ and scented i can smell where you break/ what you hide/ what you take/ there is a-nothing hiding from me/ so i can't swallow/what hurts most/ the minute i am happy/ in the space with you/ the minute it rises up from inside me/ and what you don't realize/ is long before days later of abandonment/ i read the regret inside you/ i read the fear and doubt/ your own insecurity/ the confusion of being not enough/ of wanting a back to sleep life of repeat necessary/ who can blame you/ i don't as you tamper it back down/ unconscious of your own designs/ i play nice/ act like nothing's happened/ and walk to the car/ there is the life we lead surface sided in our bodies where almost two more weeks go by before you leave/ but for me, inside the energy of what broke/ i tightrope the unreality/ barter the borrowed time of slippery joy/ it's all i know of tenderness/ a stolen object/ not designed for me/ not made for my hands/ i scavenge what i can/ i horde what i know isn't even a shadow of what i imagine/what exists inside a space of ignoring what is true is what i call care/ but close as close i museum this land that wonders/ we look like anybody else who has someone/ and i can pretend/ poetry keeps me caught in plenty/ i can imagine a just about anything i will never know/ the best part of other people is never what they are/ but the lesson they give
sometimes i think enough.
but you don't care how much it takes.
-
M
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